Poetry

Shades Of Blue

Poetry Update (last poems posted):

Date: November 19, 2008

Tea Leaves ( my fav play on words)

All I Have

You can love that man with all you have in you to give

And you can nurture that man with the water that he needs to live

But still you can’t make him if he too blind to see

That life is water- and water that is me

So cries go unheard to the ears that refuse to hear

And pierce not the heart

That is to cold to touch

There comes a time when you look into the mirror

And realize that so much of you is gone

Because you gave all too much

So I take the pain and wrap it up

Not to be put upon the shelf of forgotten feelings

Because it is the pain that inspires me

And teaches me how to better handle my dealings

I gave you all there was until there was almost nothing left to give

Salvage the small piece that’s left- I need this to allow me to live

Letting you go is a pain that pierces me in the side

Keeping my head up is the burden I carry

Because I have to walk in pride

Yet still I try my hardest

To calm the storm I feel inside

Sweet Fear

9-17-08

Interestingly complex

In a state of some what perplex

I find myself at a place

I dare not ever go near

Yet arrived suddenly I am here

Wonder and confusion

Delightful and sweet

I’m amazed and tortured

A victory and defeat

Territory familiar

Yet this terrain is unknown

Forward way of moving-

Yet backwards I seem to go

Ever so gently the whisper in my ear

Says take a chance and explore

Fear not to go near

Hurriedly the beat in my heart

In a state of panic says to run

This is a place too familiar

It’s already been done

Alone

Here I sit at the cross road of life

I stare out into the vast place and sigh in resignation

For longer than I can remember I have longed for what I could not have

For longer than I can remember I have hoped for what I believe can not exist

A life time spent dreaming, hoping and praying for a love that was true

My heart yearns to be held and does not discriminate

Between romance, family or friendship

But yearns for someone to see it as the jewel it is…

What and why is it lacking?

I look through the window and see the smiling faces and hear the tinkle of laughter

And wish so desperately to share the joy that I see

I find my soul to be starving, my spirit weak

And for so long I have held it in for I dare not speak

The pain so intense that I can not share

So on I paint the smile and dot a glimmer in my eye

I would settle to be content if it would dull the pain in my heart

If it would quiet the emotions stirring within

I have accepted that there are none that will understand

I accept that there are none that will care…

But how alone I feel and why is there this need?

Is it selfish of me? Do I feed into the greed?

What is it?

Felt a depth in my soul

A melody that reached deep down and touched my in such a way

Looked into your eyes and swore I saw my future

Took your hand and knew it was forever

Fell back into what I thought would be your arms

But hit the ground instead

And the pain in my heart ripped harder than the ground

Looked into your eyes and saw a stranger

No longer was the reflection of all the beauty I once believed I saw

It beat me down- there was almost nothing left

Would have sold my soul

For another taste of the heaven I once thought I knew

Yet run back into the arms that once dropped me because my world was spinning

And my heart had no home…

But stronger is the spirit that was one broken and weak

The wings that were meant to fly have healed

There is happiness that brims beneath the surface

But a sadness that hides behind the glimmer

The shadow lurks behind you and I wonder

Do I let go to something I know and release into something new?

Am I truly ready to fly?

As I stand on the ledge- I ponder…

That even if I wanted the truth it would be hard to find

Backwards

11-05-08

The poetry on my mind, words I feel the pressing need to speak

Even though my brain is screaming out for a little sleep

It seems like we moved foward in a way that made us receed

It seems that knowledge is the power but its the temptation we continue to feed

And I knwo I have the tools to be the leader, yet I followed when I needed to lead

Men take us for granted and only because we fail to find our voice and choose

And when we allow curiosty to lead- it seems we only loose

What is your aim

Tell me the name

Cuz to me it seems that its all just a game

And there is no blame for the choices we made

Just don't like the thought of having myself get played

If a night is all you wanted then let it clearly be known

No need in hiding fact- when the truth will easily be shown

A lifetime is a stretch but a journey could be true

If I have any regret- its that I didn't first glance at the itenary of you.

Short trip? Long trip? Brief stay for a night?

Seems like we moved foward but backwards- and you can not turn a wrong into a right...

Beautiful Music and Paint Set’s One Free

Sitting here thinking with complex emotions on my mind

Wonder in a stupor about the marvels God has allowed me to find

Jewels scattered like needles in a haystack

Are the beautiful people in my life- like Karma has finally come to pay back

My soul could cry for the magnificence is too deep

And it feels like I only have simple words in which to speak

Each person I come across is like a different stroke of paint

A different note of music- some loud and some faint

That comes together as a wonderful melody

An intricate part of this life to me…

I see God in you- do you see it too?

I see the God in me- and life- well it’s all too true

Amidst the pain and tears we endure

Is a peace- and a piece of manna as our cure

The love I have in my heart you will never understand

But blessed is the one who can see the God in man

Because it gives life so much more meaning- makes you a little more sure

That in this dirty old world- there still exist the pure

And the joy in my heart I can not begin to explain

But to say that there is truly sweetness inside and after the pain

Open your eyes

Open your soul

Trust your life in a way

That requires not your control

Release and let go, because it’s the only way to live and be

And when you can open your eyes and see-

Then you will be truly free….

Darkness

In the blink of an eye, in the voice of the wind

I visit the place I swore I never wanted to see again

The darkness that dwells I thought I’d never again see

But looked into the mirror- and yep that’s me

Tired of being disappointed by people who have no vision

And yet I let them in with hasty good hearted decision

But apparently did not study well enough with precision

Tired of lies, let downs, being simply misunderstood

Filled with empty promises when they knew they never could

Bitter to exist in a world with such vast limitations

And surrounded by people who’s minds lack imagination

And the pain of it all from the unfulfilled anticipation

As my heart slowly makes the migration

Back to that place far from the light

And plummeting even deeper into the dark of the night

Gasping for life for the fear of death and the end

I struggle at best to revive the beating organ again

I look with eyes filled with despair and hate

As I try to make peace with this earths fate

But life is simply what it is and not what you would like it to be

And without the glasses of rose I find it hard to see

To perceive, comprehend all that is really there

Such a gentle spirit but no home to host a light so fair….

Easy it is to give into the rage that steadily grows

And hide it behind the smile so that no one knows

Who are your friends and who are your foes

Sometimes in life they may be one in the same

And you fear that they could be- the thought driving you insane

Where is the love you have been conditioned to seek

Through what form and what voice does it speak

The darkness it slides in so peaceful and sweet

Guiding you still so you do not miss a beat…

Hate Me, Love Me

Hate it or love it is all that I can say

I can only be me, there is no other way

I am who I am, I will be who I will be

And in the end of it all you know that can only be me

So you don’t like my style

Issues with my profile

You say I’m a little to blunt and outspoken at times

Well last time I checked that right was mines

I can be sweet to the touch and soft when need Be

But it’s not a conscious effort because I Can only be me

For years I listened and tried to conform

To the reality you insisted was the norm

Tried to be someone I thought the world could love

But then I learned that I had to trust me most and above

Had to learn to enjoy life the way I needed to

And I don’t need approval from any of you

The box has gotten old

And to be straight up it had gotten kind of cold

So you don’t like the new me that you see

That’s not my issue, sounds like a personal problem to me

He

He was youthful and so sweet

He put the smile into my day

But funny of me to think it would be he to take my pain away

He was so fresh, entertaining and he was so new

But still inside I knew the illusion was untrue

Sexy eyes, sexy boy, sexy style

Come here Mr. Sweet won’t you stay for a while?

I have a craving that I think you could fill

So freeze frame this moment and let’s sit still

Take the minute and let me entertain you for just a little bit

Because at this moment you and I are a perfect fit

He brought flowers with smiles and offered me peace

And if you know me, I wouldn’t dare turn down the piece

Silly moments of laughter and smiles in store

He brought me a little air in this life so bore

He was the thought of the day and talk for the minute

The story’s latest chapter and I was all in it

But at the end of it all he is he

And I am me

So as reality sinks in- a chapter is all he will ever be

No illusions of love or even lasting romance

Because there is more to life than what lies in the pants

Matters of the heart paired with matters of the mind

And sweet as he be, for truth he is too young to find

So sweet let it be, though the sweet tooth you do fill

So I will take the peace because I need the piece still…

Open Heart-

By Sylvia Lei 12/10/08

She felt a little broken

Her loud confidence beat into submission

Her bright character now more quietly spoken

The inner pieces of her left a little more open

Her head held high but her gaze low

Hands hesitant behind her back

For fear of what she lacks to show

She knows she was created to be great

But she finds herself in a perplexing sort of state

And she questions her fate…

The wind spoke words of peace

Demanded the insecurities cease

Hold your head high

Loose the tears in your eye

And find the place with in- and never let it by

Know that you are great

Unburden yourself from the weight

I suppose she began to understand

Through the gentle wind’s reprimand

Thanking the wind for the hand

As she stepped up

As she drank from the cup

She was lost for far too long

Lost without the melodies flow

Lost her inner song

Because it had been far too long

Since she was told she was anything more than just wrong

She was never chosen first

But always last

Scarred fragments of the past

And somewhere along the way- she stopped running in the race

She slowed her pace

And she lowered her face

She no longer felt of inner beauty and grace

Hardened- cold

She felt weary and old

But rejuvenated she became as the surgeon preformed open heart

Healing but first taking it all apart

Gently clearing out the scarred tissue

So when he was complete her soul could function with out issue

And he placed her into the recovery room

And promised all would be well and she would be able to return home soon

Tears in her eye

She can feel her recovering heart cry

Because the wind embraced her

And whispered gently her questions answer

And slowly she began to understand why.

Taken

11-19-2008

You took it from me

How stupid am I

You said you would

But I doubted you could

You took advantage of a situation and a place

And I shudder now as I recall your face

I hate him

But I don’t wanna

For he pried into it

Not to help

But to satisfy

His only selfish greedy urge

I hate him for he caused me to remember

And he showed no pity

He showed no care

The tenderness in his heart is vacant- it is not there

You disgust me

And I pity you

I pity him

I pity them

But what’s stolen will not bring peace

Your inner storms surely will not cease

What you took you will return

Or pay your penance and in eternity burn

Taking me back

Here she sits silent and cold

Here she sits broken and old

No no

I can’t be her

No no

It’s time for change

It’s time

She cried for far too long and they didn’t hear her cries

Here she sat with her butterfly dreams

And then she grew up and saw nothing was as it seems

So she moved on

And she kept it moving

Because she felt if she sat still she’d come loose at the seams

They took away her dignity

They took away her pride

And when she took a moment to self reflect

She realized she was empty inside

No where to go and turn

Oh it hurts to know that there is nothing there

But empty darkness

And she drowned in self pity, dined on the despair

And swallowed the 24 pills

Because in that simple instant reality had become too real

And she had lost all care

But he cared

He cared enough to spare her life

He cared enough to give her back her soul

His one request

That she open her eyes and take back control

Her eyes open

She realize her despair had been too soon spoken

It was time to love again

And leave her heart open for the beauty of life

Was meant to be shared

And the fact that her life had been spared

Meant that the utmost cared

Blessings missed in the midst

She realized that was there

A beauty in life so rare

Tea Leaves

12/08/08

You caught me off guard

Unexpected

Your taste so delicate and sweet

But made up of such amazing and complex flavors

That my tongue could hardly comprehend

You were the manifestation of everything I never dreamed of putting into words

The aroma of your spirit so intoxicating

Invigorating

A pleasurable wake up

A gentle challenge

So full

It leaves me lingering wanting for another taste

But so rich I am afraid to swallow

I am afraid to even drink from the cup

Satisfied to just inhale the aroma

Inspiring me to be something more

Awaking the dreams that have fallen asleep far too long ago

Suddenly I find myself hungry

Wanting to absorb it all

Taste every single leaf

Appreciate each intricate design

Savor every drop

Letting none fall to waste

I find myself hovering near the brim of the cup

Shying away from the heat

But wanting just a little taste….

Silent Prayer

Like a soft melody

The essence of you still lives within

And at any moment it seems

By heart catches a glimpse of your fragrance

And I feel the flutter stir with in my soul

And the bittersweet tears that catch the rim of my eye

Caught by the sigh with in

So much I still feel

So much I still wanted to give

And though time has stopped for us

You’re eternal in my heart

If only I could hold you close

If only I could have known

I would have held you as you silently whispered good-bye

I would have sheltered you from the storm as you were guided into that eternal place

But….

I didn’t know…..

What I wouldn’t give to hold you in my arms

And stare into your beautiful brown eyes just once more

Kiss your soft cheek

And bury my face in your neck to catch the essence of you

To have just one more moment

To see your smile if even for a second

For but just a second…

He Wants Me Back

He wants me back, they always do

Take you down the spiral path until they realize they had something true

It hurts me to look into your eyes and see the longing that lives there

The pain of your regret- a feeling I too have felt

But after four years of utter devotion, a baby and a funeral

These are the cards that are dealt

I’m a good woman, honest, sweet and strong

But you were the one who made it clear

That for whatever reason I was all wrong

You said you hated to hear the very sound of my voice

And when you started calling her- you crushed my heart; your choice

I am creative, outgoing, passionate and unique

Beauty exists in my heart

And now it’s that which you seek

You were my lover, my confidant, supposed best friend

But it was made quite clear who my enemy was in the end

I struggle to make it past these jumbled emotions that still lay near

Because I truly still have love for you- but that’s different from being in love with you

Let’s make that clear….

Cuz now I remember all the pain and bs you put me through

The bullsh** that I didn’t deserve

And now you expect me to just come right back to you?

Here and Now

(Rappacinni’s Touch Part 2)

Here and now I’m taking the time to think

Finding myself on a rollercoaster that rises sure as it will sink

Rappacinni’s daughter with that poison touch

And pity through it all cuz I liked you so much

But emotional is the way I feel

Until fantasy gives away to what is real

Here and now I gotta be real with me

And take you on the journey that I hope you will see

Sweet is your touch your caress and your kiss

And when it’s all done these things I will miss

But what can I do? I am who I am, I am I

And even as the poison runs its fatal course I cry

I thought I was cured, thought I was recovered, thought I was good

Thought finally I had it to be- thought that I could

But insatiable is my appetite and quickly I’m a bore

And moving on the see what else life may have in store

Because it is in my nature to need more and more

Sure you tried and definitely did you give

But it only expanded my need to have more and to live

And the pain sears deep into my heart

Because I wanted it to last- even as I tore it apart

Nothing more to say, nothing more to give to you

Because it is in my nature to do as I do

Sweet love, sweet face

I shall miss you, this place

But silently I must bid you ado

I loved you- or maybe I liked you- I thought so, I think so, I promise you

I do….


		*Enjoy!* Poetry Update (last poems posted): Date: November 19, 2008 Taken December 08/08 Taking Me Back Tea Leaves ( my fav play on words) Silent Prayer December 10/08 Open Heart All I Have You can love that man with all you have in you to give And you can nurture that man with the water that he needs to live But still you can’t make him if he too blind to see That life is water- and water that is me So cries go unheard to the ears that refuse to hear And pierce not the heart That is to cold to touch There comes a time when you look into the mirror And realize that so much of you is gone Because you gave all too much So I take the pain and wrap it up Not to be put upon the shelf of forgotten feelings Because it is the pain that inspires me And teaches me how to better handle my dealings I gave you all there was until there was almost nothing left to give Salvage the small piece that’s left- I need this to allow me to live Letting you go is a pain that pierces me in the side Keeping my head up is the burden I carry Because I have to walk in pride Yet still I try my hardest To calm the storm I feel inside



		Sweet Fear 9-17-08 Interestingly complex In a state of some what perplex I find myself at a place I dare not ever go near Yet arrived suddenly I am here Wonder and confusion Delightful and sweet I’m amazed and tortured A victory and defeat Territory familiar Yet this terrain is unknown Forward way of moving- Yet backwards I seem to go Ever so gently the whisper in my ear Says take a chance and explore Fear not to go near Hurriedly the beat in my heart In a state of panic says to run This is a place too familiar It’s already been done Alone Here I sit at the cross road of life I stare out into the vast place and sigh in resignation For longer than I can remember I have longed for what I could not have For longer than I can remember I have hoped for what I believe can not exist A life time spent dreaming, hoping and praying for a love that was true My heart yearns to be held and does not discriminate Between romance, family or friendship But yearns for someone to see it as the jewel it is… What and why is it lacking? I look through the window and see the smiling faces and hear the tinkle of laughter And wish so desperately to share the joy that I see I find my soul to be starving, my spirit weak And for so long I have held it in for I dare not speak The pain so intense that I can not share So on I paint the smile and dot a glimmer in my eye I would settle to be content if it would dull the pain in my heart If it would quiet the emotions stirring within I have accepted that there are none that will understand I accept that there are none that will care… But how alone I feel and why is there this need? Is it selfish of me? Do I feed into the greed? What is it? Butterfly I try And I look into the reflection of the soul That I see deep within my eye And there are times I’m so frustrated I could break down and cry Because I just don’t understand why Desolation wants to live at my front door And I look into the sun Wondering when the happiness will have begun I can no longer plead for him to understand Or grab a clue And I can no longer walk around heavy and burdened There are times I feel like I am crossing this road alone And I cry into my pillow because I long to find a place my spirit can call home But I carry on and find that there are people there with me in their hearts And it tears me to parts To know that there is a love there that exists And I find that I can not resist The call to let go and be free Like the butterfly I want to fly No time left to cry I want to soar above the earth and inhale the sweet fragrance of life Cherishing every moment no longer stolen Believing that the lining is not just silver- but golden Felt a depth in my soul A melody that reached deep down and touched my in such a way Looked into your eyes and swore I saw my future Took your hand and knew it was forever Fell back into what I thought would be your arms But hit the ground instead And the pain in my heart ripped harder than the ground Looked into your eyes and saw a stranger No longer was the reflection of all the beauty I once believed I saw It beat me down- there was almost nothing left Would have sold my soul For another taste of the heaven I once thought I knew Yet run back into the arms that once dropped me because my world was spinning And my heart had no home… But stronger is the spirit that was one broken and weak The wings that were meant to fly have healed There is happiness that brims beneath the surface But a sadness that hides behind the glimmer The shadow lurks behind you and I wonder Do I let go to something I know and release into something new? Am I truly ready to fly? As I stand on the ledge- I ponder… Funny Funny how not too long ago you had me on the ground Surrounded by my belongings with my heart sinking and my tears couldn’t reach you And funny how deep the pain that felt like it ripped my soul apart cut Had my mind so gone I felt like I was a nut Funny how you caress me now so gentle and easy But remember how you dragged me down the steps like it was a breeze… see Sitting back reflecting On how things use to be The nonchalant look on your face as you were ending “you and me” I remember being on the phone with you Stupid, you went to go see her Forgot you had me on the phone See the crazy things you took me through Yet now we have romantic outings The dining and Jacuzzi Steaming the place just you and me Almost like it never happened Distant memory fading away Getting more faint by the day Almost like a bad book I never read It seems like the fairytale instead I stayed and made it work Let the past evade my mind Put it down so deep That even if I wanted the truth it would be hard to find						Backwards 11-05-08 The poetry on my mind, words I feel the pressing need to speak Even though my brain is screaming out for a little sleep It seems like we moved foward in a way that made us receed It seems that knowledge is the power but its the temptation we continue to feed And I knwo I have the tools to be the leader, yet I followed when I needed to lead Men take us for granted and only because we fail to find our voice and choose And when we allow curiosty to lead- it seems we only loose What is your aim Tell me the name Cuz to me it seems that its all just a game And there is no blame for the choices we made Just don't like the thought of having myself get played If a night is all you wanted then let it clearly be known No need in hiding fact- when the truth will easily be shown A lifetime is a stretch but a journey could be true If I have any regret- its that I didn't first glance at the itenary of you. Short trip? Long trip? Brief stay for a night? Seems like we moved foward but backwards- and you can not turn a wrong into a right... Beautiful Music and Paint Set’s One Free Sitting here thinking with complex emotions on my mind Wonder in a stupor about the marvels God has allowed me to find Jewels scattered like needles in a haystack Are the beautiful people in my life- like Karma has finally come to pay back My soul could cry for the magnificence is too deep And it feels like I only have simple words in which to speak Each person I come across is like a different stroke of paint A different note of music- some loud and some faint That comes together as a wonderful melody An intricate part of this life to me… I see God in you- do you see it too? I see the God in me- and life- well it’s all too true Amidst the pain and tears we endure Is a peace- and a piece of manna as our cure The love I have in my heart you will never understand But blessed is the one who can see the God in man Because it gives life so much more meaning- makes you a little more sure That in this dirty old world- there still exist the pure And the joy in my heart I can not begin to explain But to say that there is truly sweetness inside and after the pain Open your eyes Open your soul Trust your life in a way That requires not your control Release and let go, because it’s the only way to live and be And when you can open your eyes and see- Then you will be truly free…. Darkness In the blink of an eye, in the voice of the wind I visit the place I swore I never wanted to see again The darkness that dwells I thought I’d never again see But looked into the mirror- and yep that’s me Tired of being disappointed by people who have no vision And yet I let them in with hasty good hearted decision But apparently did not study well enough with precision Tired of lies, let downs, being simply misunderstood Filled with empty promises when they knew they never could Bitter to exist in a world with such vast limitations And surrounded by people who’s minds lack imagination And the pain of it all from the unfulfilled anticipation As my heart slowly makes the migration Back to that place far from the light And plummeting even deeper into the dark of the night Gasping for life for the fear of death and the end I struggle at best to revive the beating organ again I look with eyes filled with despair and hate As I try to make peace with this earths fate But life is simply what it is and not what you would like it to be And without the glasses of rose I find it hard to see To perceive, comprehend all that is really there Such a gentle spirit but no home to host a light so fair…. Easy it is to give into the rage that steadily grows And hide it behind the smile so that no one knows Who are your friends and who are your foes Sometimes in life they may be one in the same And you fear that they could be- the thought driving you insane Where is the love you have been conditioned to seek Through what form and what voice does it speak The darkness it slides in so peaceful and sweet Guiding you still so you do not miss a beat…





		Hate Me, Love Me Hate it or love it is all that I can say I can only be me, there is no other way I am who I am, I will be who I will be And in the end of it all you know that can only be me So you don’t like my style Issues with my profile You say I’m a little to blunt and outspoken at times Well last time I checked that right was mines I can be sweet to the touch and soft when need Be But it’s not a conscious effort because I Can only be me For years I listened and tried to conform To the reality you insisted was the norm Tried to be someone I thought the world could love But then I learned that I had to trust me most and above Had to learn to enjoy life the way I needed to And I don’t need approval from any of you The box has gotten old And to be straight up it had gotten kind of cold So you don’t like the new me that you see That’s not my issue, sounds like a personal problem to me He He was youthful and so sweet He put the smile into my day But funny of me to think it would be he to take my pain away He was so fresh, entertaining and he was so new But still inside I knew the illusion was untrue Sexy eyes, sexy boy, sexy style Come here Mr. Sweet won’t you stay for a while? I have a craving that I think you could fill So freeze frame this moment and let’s sit still Take the minute and let me entertain you for just a little bit Because at this moment you and I are a perfect fit He brought flowers with smiles and offered me peace And if you know me, I wouldn’t dare turn down the piece Silly moments of laughter and smiles in store He brought me a little air in this life so bore He was the thought of the day and talk for the minute The story’s latest chapter and I was all in it But at the end of it all he is he And I am me So as reality sinks in- a chapter is all he will ever be No illusions of love or even lasting romance Because there is more to life than what lies in the pants Matters of the heart paired with matters of the mind And sweet as he be, for truth he is too young to find So sweet let it be, though the sweet tooth you do fill So I will take the peace because I need the piece still… Open Heart- By Sylvia Lei 12/10/08 She felt a little broken Her loud confidence beat into submission Her bright character now more quietly spoken The inner pieces of her left a little more open Her head held high but her gaze low Hands hesitant behind her back For fear of what she lacks to show She knows she was created to be great But she finds herself in a perplexing sort of state And she questions her fate… The wind spoke words of peace Demanded the insecurities cease Hold your head high Loose the tears in your eye And find the place with in- and never let it by Know that you are great Unburden yourself from the weight I suppose she began to understand Through the gentle wind’s reprimand Thanking the wind for the hand As she stepped up As she drank from the cup She was lost for far too long Lost without the melodies flow Lost her inner song Because it had been far too long Since she was told she was anything more than just wrong She was never chosen first But always last Scarred fragments of the past And somewhere along the way- she stopped running in the race She slowed her pace And she lowered her face She no longer felt of inner beauty and grace Hardened- cold She felt weary and old But rejuvenated she became as the surgeon preformed open heart Healing but first taking it all apart Gently clearing out the scarred tissue So when he was complete her soul could function with out issue And he placed her into the recovery room And promised all would be well and she would be able to return home soon Tears in her eye She can feel her recovering heart cry Because the wind embraced her And whispered gently her questions answer And slowly she began to understand why. Taken 11-19-2008 You took it from me How stupid am I You said you would But I doubted you could You took advantage of a situation and a place And I shudder now as I recall your face I hate him But I don’t wanna For he pried into it Not to help But to satisfy His only selfish greedy urge I hate him for he caused me to remember And he showed no pity He showed no care The tenderness in his heart is vacant- it is not there You disgust me And I pity you I pity him I pity them But what’s stolen will not bring peace Your inner storms surely will not cease What you took you will return Or pay your penance and in eternity burn Taking me back Here she sits silent and cold Here she sits broken and old No no I can’t be her No no It’s time for change It’s time She cried for far too long and they didn’t hear her cries Here she sat with her butterfly dreams And then she grew up and saw nothing was as it seems So she moved on And she kept it moving Because she felt if she sat still she’d come loose at the seams They took away her dignity They took away her pride And when she took a moment to self reflect She realized she was empty inside No where to go and turn Oh it hurts to know that there is nothing there But empty darkness And she drowned in self pity, dined on the despair And swallowed the 24 pills Because in that simple instant reality had become too real And she had lost all care But he cared He cared enough to spare her life He cared enough to give her back her soul His one request That she open her eyes and take back control Her eyes open She realize her despair had been too soon spoken It was time to love again And leave her heart open for the beauty of life Was meant to be shared And the fact that her life had been spared Meant that the utmost cared Blessings missed in the midst She realized that was there A beauty in life so rare Tea Leaves 12/08/08 You caught me off guard Unexpected Your taste so delicate and sweet But made up of such amazing and complex flavors That my tongue could hardly comprehend You were the manifestation of everything I never dreamed of putting into words The aroma of your spirit so intoxicating Invigorating A pleasurable wake up A gentle challenge So full It leaves me lingering wanting for another taste But so rich I am afraid to swallow I am afraid to even drink from the cup Satisfied to just inhale the aroma Inspiring me to be something more Awaking the dreams that have fallen asleep far too long ago Suddenly I find myself hungry Wanting to absorb it all Taste every single leaf Appreciate each intricate design Savor every drop Letting none fall to waste I find myself hovering near the brim of the cup Shying away from the heat But wanting just a little taste…. Silent Prayer Like a soft melody The essence of you still lives within And at any moment it seems By heart catches a glimpse of your fragrance And I feel the flutter stir with in my soul And the bittersweet tears that catch the rim of my eye Caught by the sigh with in So much I still feel So much I still wanted to give And though time has stopped for us You’re eternal in my heart If only I could hold you close If only I could have known I would have held you as you silently whispered good-bye I would have sheltered you from the storm as you were guided into that eternal place But…. I didn’t know….. What I wouldn’t give to hold you in my arms And stare into your beautiful brown eyes just once more Kiss your soft cheek And bury my face in your neck to catch the essence of you To have just one more moment To see your smile if even for a second For but just a second…						Friendship Dedicated to Kendra Jones and Mohammed Elbeitam She’s analytical and I see strength There is very little there that is weak I appreciate her style And the honesty in the words when we speak A strive towards inner perfection Reminds me of my own goals As I often strive towards my own affection Well grounded That is why I bounce my thoughts off her Just to hear how I’m sounding Friendships grounded in truth are hard to come by So I hope it can be easily understood Why I Take my time to water the seed In the fertile ground so it may grow Because these are the things I have come to know: Life is short, relationships can be shallow, So hold to all that’s solid and real And live not for the momentary thrill… He is so gentle His spirit is so humble and meek There is kindness behind the words when he takes the time to speak I appreciate his style, the honesty I see there The humanitarian that exists The gentle heart full of care Reminds me of my own heart, and how it use to be I appreciate this friendship And all it brings to me Deeper than I can explain, Innocent it must remain I can not make it any clearer So I’ll keep it there and plain… Friendships grounded in truth are hard to come by So I hope it can be easily understood Why I Take my time to water the seed In the fertile ground so it may grow Because these are the things I have come to know Life is short, relationships can be shallow So hold to all that’s solid and real And live not for the momentary thrill… He Wants Me Back He wants me back, they always do Take you down the spiral path until they realize they had something true It hurts me to look into your eyes and see the longing that lives there The pain of your regret- a feeling I too have felt But after four years of utter devotion, a baby and a funeral These are the cards that are dealt I’m a good woman, honest, sweet and strong But you were the one who made it clear That for whatever reason I was all wrong You said you hated to hear the very sound of my voice And when you started calling her- you crushed my heart; your choice I am creative, outgoing, passionate and unique Beauty exists in my heart And now it’s that which you seek You were my lover, my confidant, supposed best friend But it was made quite clear who my enemy was in the end I struggle to make it past these jumbled emotions that still lay near Because I truly still have love for you- but that’s different from being in love with you Let’s make that clear…. Cuz now I remember all the pain and bs you put me through The bullsh** that I didn’t deserve And now you expect me to just come right back to you? Here and Now (Rappacinni’s Touch Part 2) Here and now I’m taking the time to think Finding myself on a rollercoaster that rises sure as it will sink Rappacinni’s daughter with that poison touch And pity through it all cuz I liked you so much But emotional is the way I feel Until fantasy gives away to what is real Here and now I gotta be real with me And take you on the journey that I hope you will see Sweet is your touch your caress and your kiss And when it’s all done these things I will miss But what can I do? I am who I am, I am I And even as the poison runs its fatal course I cry I thought I was cured, thought I was recovered, thought I was good Thought finally I had it to be- thought that I could But insatiable is my appetite and quickly I’m a bore And moving on the see what else life may have in store Because it is in my nature to need more and more Sure you tried and definitely did you give But it only expanded my need to have more and to live And the pain sears deep into my heart Because I wanted it to last- even as I tore it apart Nothing more to say, nothing more to give to you Because it is in my nature to do as I do Sweet love, sweet face I shall miss you, this place But silently I must bid you ado I loved you- or maybe I liked you- I thought so, I think so, I promise you I do….


				*Shades Of Blue* *Poetry 2008*



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